Horrorscopes: Second Installment
Hey guys! It's us at 'Post Mortem Horror Bootique' again! If it were up to us, we'd be publishing a fun horror related blog post this week, but instead-
We do not know what to make of last month's installment, but are regrettably unable to object to a publication of a follow-up.
(March 21 – April 19)
We've installed a door in your home that was not there yesterday. Put your ear to it. Whatever is on the other side sure sounds like a lot of fun. Open it. We have something to show you. Open it.
(April 20 – May 20)
Disregard that moment of existential dread you experienced last night. We'd explain to you in simple terms exactly what caused that, but figure it is better to live in a haze of confusion rather than to a state of unending fear.
(May 21 – June 20)
We hope you have an amazing month. We know the truth, but hope is nice.
(June 21 – July 22)
for some reason, nobody seems to edit the content that i write into cancers horoscope. i'm starting to suspect they cannot read what i write in this one specific entry. further investigation is required. this may be the only place where I can speak freely without them knowing. they're hiding something from us.
(July 23 – August 22)
You are in the "splash zone" for the rest of the month. Look forward to discovering what (or who) you are going to be splashed with.
(August 23 – September 22)
You again? No.
(September 23 – October 22)
Due to a collision between our reality and yours, Libras now exist. But we are keeping an eye on you. You are guests in our home. Do not underestimate us.
(October 23 – November 21)
Choosing your final words is surprisingly easy. The hard part is remaining silent for however much time you have left, once you've uttered them.
(November 22 – December 21)
We have a personal vested interest in your upcoming month. As such, it would be immoral of us to give you a proper warning.
(December 22 – January 19)
The alignment of the stars have absolutely no bearing on your future. This only applies to Capricorns. All other horoscopes are to be taken seriously, but Capricorns are flying blind.
We have no idea what is going to happen to you. We are equally concerned by this anomaly.
(January 20 – February 18)
We're genuinely sorry about the mishandling of the previous horoscope for Aquarius. We had made a vague statement about being attacked by a bear in a supermarket.
Unfortunately, we did not have enough bears to fulfill this thinly veiled threat for all Aquariuses.
We are working to rotate the bears we do have, and are sorry for the delay. It's been a wild month, and this whole thing sort of fell through the cracks- to put things simply.
(February 19 – March 20)
Adjusting for the unknowns that we have intentionally neglected to provide you, it is still a good idea to plan for your future.
Once our work has concluded, only the Pisces will remain. Have fun being stuck with this, a much less desirable reality.
Unending sequence of the sun, the cyclic cosmic dance
So note where journey has begun, to final ending stance
Three paths in turn of separate sign, a dissuasion of fears
Three pairs of two locked into time, but not bound to the years
2020, 2018, 1920
Leave a comment